Key Stage 3 languages · Linguistic competence

KS3 languages: formal and informal ways to say “you”

Many languages have more than one way of saying “you”, and choosing the right one shows respect or friendliness. At Key Stage 3 the National Curriculum asks pupils to start and keep a conversation going, cope with unfamiliar language and unexpected replies, and use social conventions such as formal modes of address. This page explains what that means in practice, whichever language your child’s school teaches.

Formal and informal address, explained

English has just one word for “you”, so this idea can feel strange at first. In French, a pupil must choose between tu and vous. In Spanish, between tú and usted. German, Italian and many other languages make a similar choice. The informal form is used with friends, family and children. The formal form is used with adults you don’t know well, with people in authority, and in shops, offices and hotels. Schools choose which language to teach, so your child may meet this idea in French, Spanish, German or another modern language.

The choice changes more than one word. In French, vous goes with a different verb ending from tu: “Tu as quel âge ?” becomes “Vous avez quel âge ?” In Spanish, usted uses the same verb form as he or she, so “¿Cuántos años tienes?” becomes “¿Cuántos años tiene usted?” Spanish speakers often leave the pronoun out altogether, so the verb ending alone shows how formal the speaker is. Greetings, goodbyes and the titles you use change as well: “Salut” and “Hola” for a friend, but “Bonjour, madame” and “Buenos días, señor” for a stranger.

The National Curriculum links this to conversation skills. Pupils are expected to begin conversations, keep them going, and cope when the other person says something they weren’t expecting. In class this usually means role-plays with a partner: ordering in a café, asking for directions, talking to a host family, phoning a hotel. Teachers expect pupils to decide who they are talking to before they speak, and then stay consistent. They also teach useful rescue phrases, such as asking someone to repeat or to speak more slowly, in both polite and friendly versions. Because a conversation is spoken, clear pronunciation and a natural tone of voice count too: a polite sentence mumbled flatly doesn’t sound polite.

Real usage varies. In some Spanish-speaking countries families use usted to parents or grandparents, while in others it would sound distant. In Spain, the plural “you” for friends is vosotros, while in Latin America ustedes is used for every group. Young French speakers move to tu quickly, but adults at work may not. Schools therefore teach a clear standard model first. Your child is learning a convention that real speakers apply with some flexibility, and a safe rule for pupils is: if in doubt, be polite.

Words your child will hear

Formal: The polite style used with adults you don’t know well, in shops, offices and official letters.
Informal: The friendly style used with friends, family and children.
Register: How formal or casual your language sounds, from your choice of words and endings.
Tu / vous: In French, informal and formal “you”. Vous is also the plural “you”.
Tú / usted: In Spanish, informal and formal “you” for one person.
Verb ending: The part of the verb that changes with the person, such as tienes for tú and tiene for usted.
Role-play: A spoken task where pupils act out a situation, like talking to a hotel receptionist.

What the National Curriculum says

In Key Stage 3, pupils should be taught to:

Initiate and develop conversations, coping with unfamiliar language and unexpected responses, making use of important social conventions such as formal modes of address
Speak coherently and confidently, with increasingly accurate pronunciation and intonation

Objectives from the National Curriculum in England, © Crown copyright, used under the Open Government Licence v3.0.

Try it: starting a conversation politely

You meet your exchange partner’s father, Monsieur Girard, for the first time. Greet him, ask how he is, and then ask him to repeat something you didn’t understand.

Decide who you are talking to. He is an adult you have never met, so the formal style is the right choice. Use vous and a polite title.
Choose the greeting: “Bonjour, monsieur.” A friend your own age would hear “Salut !” instead.
Ask how he is, using vous with its verb ending: “Comment allez-vous ?” With a friend you would say “Ça va ?” or “Comment vas-tu ?”
He answers quickly and you lose part of it. Use a polite rescue phrase: “Pardon, monsieur, pouvez-vous répéter, s’il vous plaît ?” To a friend: “Tu peux répéter ?”
Keep the same form all the way through. Mixing “pouvez-vous” with “tu” in the same conversation is the most common slip. In Spanish the matching version is “Buenos días, señor. ¿Cómo está usted?” and “¿Puede repetir, por favor?”

“Bonjour, monsieur. Comment allez-vous ? … Pardon, monsieur, pouvez-vous répéter, s’il vous plaît ?” Everything is formal, and vous stays the same throughout.

Common mistakes and how to help

Using the informal “you” with everyone

English has only one “you”, and tu or tú is usually the first form children learn, so it feels like the normal one.

What helps: Before any role-play, ask “who am I talking to?” Make pairs of cards for people (friend, teacher, shop assistant, grandparent) and sort them into polite and friendly.

Thinking vous only means more than one person

Pupils often meet vous first in the plural. In French it is also the polite word for a single adult, and it then takes the same verb ending.

What helps: Show both uses: “Vous êtes mon professeur” and “Vous êtes mes amis”. The context tells you whether it is one person or many.

Mixing forms in one sentence

Pupils choose “vous” but then use the tu verb ending, or write “usted tienes” instead of “usted tiene”. The verb ending is easy to forget when thinking about the pronoun.

What helps: Learn each pronoun together with its verb form as a unit. Practise quick-fire switching: “now say it to your headteacher”.

Believing formality only means adding “please”

Politeness in English often sits in extra words. In French and Spanish it is built into the grammar, and in greetings and the way a letter begins and ends.

What helps: Write two short emails side by side, one to a friend and one to a hotel, and highlight every difference. Many pupils are surprised by how much changes.

How to help at home

Play “who am I talking to?”. Name a person (the baker, your cousin, a headteacher) and ask your child to greet them in the language they are learning. Then swap roles: you greet someone and your child decides whether you chose the polite or the friendly form.
Role-play real situations. Act out a café order, lost luggage or checking in at a hotel, with you as the adult stranger. Then play the same scene as old friends. The contrast is the point.
Spot the polite forms. Signs, menus and instructions often use the formal “you”, such as “Veuillez patienter” in French. Ask your child to notice which form a notice or a leaflet uses and guess why.
Write two short notes. One note to a friend inviting them over, and one to an adult asking for information. Compare how the opening line, the closing line and the verbs differ.